Today I have off from work. Well, I took off because I’m sick.
So today, I had what feels like one of the first breaks I’ve had in months. I know … I know… you could be thinking, “That’s not true at all. You were just vacationing in Spain.”
There’s no way I could try to belittle my experience there and say it wasn’t pure blessed vacation, but it was so go-go-go. I feel like I’m just now having my first opportunity to blog in a while. I think I almost forgot how much I love to write out my thoughts and opinions and feelings.
To think I haven’t written like this at all for two whole months is shocking for me right now. It’s been a season of birthday festivities, interviews, final exams, personal confusion, and personal growth.
I’ve been laying in bed waiting for the clock to tell me when to leave for my doctor’s appointment.
I began to think about my experiences and the past and the way I was and who I was and how I am. I then began physically tossing and turning, cringing.
I can think of whole seasons as well as just specific moments with different people that, looking back, seem to be defined by my own immaturity or being too much of a pushover or maybe too much of a brat. I’ve expected too much and also not expected enough. I’ve apologized too many times and sometimes never apologized for things that I should have.
On a typical day I think I am pretty content with who I am as a person, but some days these thoughts seem to sneak in and overwhelm me.
But then I had this beautiful reminder pop into my head.
I am not my mistakes. I am not my actions. Those things do not DEFINE ME. My identity is literally not my own, but I am in Christ.
{{I once had a conversation with a friend who was telling met that my identity was not my own, it was Christ’s. I responded to him about how realistically, on the day to day, that’s not true but how one day it will be. He corrected me. No, my identity is Christ NOW.}}
I am redeemed. Every single regret I have about who I was, how I acted, or choices I made, I don’t have to carry it.
This isn’t to say I can live however I want, and it’s ok because I am Christ’s. Not at all. However, those things I sometimes think about feel miserable over shouldn’t have that affect. Jesus promises to make me a new creation.
A friend helped me see 1 Peter 1:13-16, a verse that I feel like exemplifies these aspects of His grace:
“Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.””
Let’s, you and I, CLING to His PROMISES.
2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing”
James 1:4 “And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus”