I've Been So Wrong and Out of Focus

In writing another blog, that I will correct and probably post sometime in the future, I found my thoughts to be totally misguided. My heart was almost hypocritical. And honestly realizing this… it FREED my soul.
Guys, these are real realizations. I’m not just saying this to make a blog out of it.
Subconsciously, I think while I knew that Jesus loved me and that His goal for my life is not that I’m miserable serving Him, I had this perception that, despite how I felt, He wanted me to serve Him anyway, do what He wanted anyway.
And, in a sense, that’s true. There are things I need to abide by regardless of whether or not I disagree or not. I shouldn’t lie. I shouldn’t cheat. I shouldn’t murder.
But my life shouldn’t be just aiming to do what He wants whether or not I’m miserable.
Throughout the Bible there are verses calling me to rejoice in the Lord, to have Him be the desire of my heart.
This is actually a command.
“For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings” (Hosea 6:6).
The Lord wants us to desire Him, to love Him, to know Him more than He wants a sacrifice.
He has His sacrifice; it’s Jesus.
If I go throughout life doing it in a way to please Him ONLY because I know I should, I will be drained. I will get frustrated. I will get prideful. I will think I deserve more. I know because that’s how I’ve felt.
But if I go throughout life doing it in a way to please Him because I love Him because I want to delight in Him, then it all becomes a different story.
He never wants me to begrudgingly do what He wants. He doesn’t want a half heart. He doesn’t want me to leave selfish pleasure for duty; He wants me to leave selfish pleasure to delight in Him.
He doesn’t want me to be discontent. He wants me to be content in Him. And I’m finding slowly but surely that He provides the most contentment compared to anything else I’ve experienced yet, even a pure life of fun and leisure.
Knowing He just wants me to be delighted, to be loved and to love and OUT OF THAT obey Him, makes me really realize that HE really actually cares for my heart… really (which I should’ve concluded the second He died for me… but my heart and mind question everything.)